PAINT IT BLACK

THE most significant day of my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) journey has arrived. Now that I am a Black Belt, I’m a walking collection of injuries, experiencing bouts of imposter syndrome, and as a hobbyist in my 40s the ego check that arises when competitive Blue and Purple Belts wreck me is humbling.

I was high when I decided to start Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

It was the first week of January 2011, and I was tripping balls at the first ever La De Da music festival in Wellington, New Zealand.

A very sober and relaxed-looking bouncer stood out from the crowd of New Year’s Eve revellers. I struck up conversation, we got on immediately and before long it was established that he ran his own BJJ gym in the capital city and I should join.

The next week I signed up. And 13 years later I received my Black Belt.

Before taking up jiu jitsu in New Zealand, the extent to my body practices as a journalist was binge-drinking, the occasional indoor netball game, riding my bicycle in freezing sideways rain and falling asleep in yoga. 

What I lack in natural athleticism I make up for in zesty enthusiasm. (My Greatest Of All Time Professor Marcus Lima calls me “Miss Sunshine”).

I received my first stripe on my white belt under Vanderson Pires (the music festival bouncer) at Combat Room, Wellington, where I trained for a year.

When I moved to Australia after falling in love with my skydiving instructor and now husband Kobi, I went on to train at three different gyms.

The first was myBJJ Marrickville (formerly Gracie Oceania), where I received my Blue Belt from Professor Mario Yokoyama in July 2013.

The second was Gracie Barra Wollongong, under Professor Pedro Rodrigues who awarded me my Purple in December 2016.

The third was Gracie Barra Shellharbour, under Professor Marcus Lima, who gave me my Brown in November 2019.  

It broke my heart to leave myBJJ in Sydney’s Inner West as a Blue Belt and Kids Coach, but moving to the Dirty Shlong (Wollongong) has been the best decision for both mine and Kobi’s career and lifestyle.

Kobi is now the Chief Instructor and Operations Manager at Skydive Wollongong, I teach yoga most days around the Illawarra, and we both feel like we are living our best lives near the sea – surfing, swimming and training BJJ.

I took up yoga while recovering from my first BJJ-induced ACL rupture. Yoga completely changed my body and perspective on life. The rewards are endless and include improved flexibility, range of motion and a daily meditation practice, which all help my jiu jitsu game.

Like yoga, BJJ is a body practice that unifies mind and body through breath and movement.  

But what makes BJJ different is its reliance on others. Jiu jitsu is an individual sport that you need a training partner to learn. 

Which brings me to the man who trusts me with the privilege of Black Belt – Professor Marcus Lima.

Unlike most practitioners, I did not choose to join GB Shellharbour initially because it is the closest and most convenient gym. While living in Wollongong I decided to jump ship to Shellharbour solely to be trained by Marcus, who was a Brown Belt at the time.

He’s fast, technical and dynamic in his movements, and approaches rolls with playfulness and curiosity. One of his mottos is “keep it simple”.

No matter the size or experience-level of the student, Marcus can break down a technique so it is understandable not only in theory but in practice. But most of all, Marcus is kind and an empath. No one is left out; everyone is made to feel important when he is teaching.

This is the Black Belt I aspire to be.

However, when I compare myself to Marcus, feelings of anxiety arise, because despite being a Black Belt, I have doubts about my abilities and knowledge. I dislike the term “imposter syndrome” but I admit that it is an aspect of self at times.

So, I make a point of reminding myself each day how I want to be in the world, and the ways I would like to contribute to my gym at GB Shellharbour.

It is not my job to smash the lower belts, nor to have all the answers. It is my time to be of service, to roll competently and technically, so that other students can hone their skills with me. Like two stones, as we make contact and roll together, we polish each other.

I am at a stage in my life where I do not train Jiu jitsu to be a World Champion, open my own gym, or sell instructional DVDs – though these are exemplary paths that all aspiring Black Belts should consider.

I believe exercising for fun, not for fitness. The latter is a by-product.

BJJ is a hobby that brings me great joy.

The martial art is not only a cardiovascular, resistance and flexibility workout all in one, it’s mentally stimulating, and impossible to perfect and master because there are too many variables involved.

I love the dynamic scrambles, seeing how my body fits and tangles up with others, going upside down, getting sweaty and snorting my way around the mats with my friends.

BJJ keeps me healthy, makes me feel like a lethal weapon and gives me confidence in my ability to defend myself if physically assaulted.

The hardest lessons in BJJ have not been the injuries. Both of my ACLs are gone, and my elbows are cooked. By Brown Belt my body felt broken.

The mental challenge is what makes or breaks a person in this game. I call jiu jitsu a body practice, but when you really go deep, the biggest upsets are cerebral.

The self-imposed suffering that comes with replaying failures and upsets, injuries and mistakes can drive you to the brink of quitting.

But I never quit.

I know I am not the first nor the last jiu jitu practitioner to experience feelings of trepidation, anxiety, and not being “enough”.

And when they do arise, I think, “I can’t be the only one”, then I pack my gear, turn the car stereo up loud and go train.

Never quit. Don’t give up. You got this!